I'm · No · Lois · Lane · . · . · .

Here I sit, drinking champagne out of a margerita glass and eyeing a box of Harry & David chocolate truffles, trying to convince myself not to eat one. It is two in the afternoon, and I'm wearing pajamas. Oh, the shame.

I spent New Year's Eve at home, and now I wonder if it would have been more exciting if I'd gone out. I haven't the slightest. I want to be out when I'm in, and I want to be in when I'm out. I feel so restless. It's the weather and lack of warmth and sunlight. I can hear the wind whistling around the eaves outside, and the sky is gray. It's so depressing. 

Anyway, I did make some resolutions, which I will probably abandon within a few weeks, but I'm such a lemming, I feel the need to do so, anyway.

1. I will stop being a cartoon character.  Do I love clothes and find it important to dress well? Yes. Do I love coffee, especially expresso? Yes. Is my life jam-packed and am I constantly running? Yes. Do I need to show only the chick-lit working girl who loves shoes and is addicted to coffee side of my personality to people? No. 

I am a not fucking cariacuture of one of those bitches. I am more than that. I love history, especially the Regency era in the United Kingdom. I like nature photography and am talented at it. I love Romantic poetry, and wish I was talented at that, but I'm not. I enjoy science and documentries.

 The long and short of it is that I swear to not be afraid of my inner geek. I have interesting things to say, and I'm going to say them.

2. I will simply allow myself to be sexy. I know it all looks good when I leave the house.  I spend enough money and time. I am told I look good by my Significant Other, whose opinion trumps all. I will not feel self conscious. Everyone is not looking at me and comparing me to girls ten years my junior. Only I am doing that. Everyone else is doing their own thing, and no one gives a shit about me and what I am doing. 

3. I will be more thoughtful. I am not an island. I will be kinder to people because they deserve it, not because being mean has the potential to bite me in the ass. In that vein, I'll be calmer, take a breath and not blow up when someone cuts in line or takes the last whatever. Life is short; spending a shitload of time getting all pissed off is a waste.

So ... Santa's in the Bahamas (according to NORAD's Santa Tracker), the lucky s.o.b., and I'm waiting for the kids to go to sleep so I can whip out their presents and stick 'em under the tree.

Hannie will receive:

* Baby Annabelle. She drinks, cries, wets (and yes, opens and shuts her eyes). She also costs more than a babydoll should.
* Cressida Cowell's "How to be a Pirate."
* PS2 game
* New babydoll blouse (not the black one with skull and crossbones I originally wanted to get, but a red one with hearts that SO suggested)
* Bath and Body works gift set

Robbie will receive:

* Mega spinosaurus
* Mega triceratops
* Transformers chess set
* PS2 game
* "How Do Dinosaurs Learn Their Colors?"
* "Spiderman 3"

I refuse to buy them a shitload of stuff, because they will get presents from their three sets of grandparents, five sets of aunts/uncles and various other relatives. 

I have no idea what I'm getting, and I find that vaguely irritating.

For SO I bought:

* An authentic Wille Parker home game jersey
* A Fossil watch
* Madden 2k8

That's all he gets, because we promised to only buy each other a few things and spend the money which otherwise would have been spend on presents on a new television for our bedroom. 

We did all the usual Christmas Eve things ... we wrapped presents for the extended family (9 nieces/nephews, 5 sisters/brothers, 6 parents), ate cookies, drank eggnog, watched "A Christmas Story," put out Santa's cookies and milk and put out glitter/oatmeal for the reindeer (the glitter makes it magic), and checked on Santa's progress via the NORAD tracker.  

So tomorrow ... we will have the annual giant breakfast whipped up by SO -- blueberry pancakes, omlets, sausages, crossiants ... then the opening of the presents, then we slide over to his dad's house (his mom will be there too; amicable divorce) and then to my parents (brother, sister and nephews will be down there) for dinner and yet more presents. Damn, I forgot to clean the trunk out when it was nice. That sucks; there'll be so much stuff jammed in there all day long. 

Christmas is exhausting ... maybe I'll throw it at my house next year so I don't have to leave the house.

I've been watching "Albino Alligator" obsessively. 

I kid ... I've been doing other stuff, too, but have watched that movie many, many, many times since receiving it as a birthday present from my darling Mars. In fact, I'm watching it right now.

If you don't own this movie, please buy it. It was a labor of love, and it shows. Plus, it has my favorite actor of all time in it. (Yes, I meant Matt Dillon.) Be warned that it has slight amounts of gore, a good deal of violence and a ton of cursing. However, if you like character-driven stories, it's a great buy. The plot is very straight forward, and it's more about these characters' reactions to their situations than anything else.

A wonderful cast -- Gary Sinise, Skeet Ulrich, Viggo Mortensen -- and directed by Kevin Spacey. The guy who played Law, William Fichtner, was fucking brilliant. I've never heard of him before, but if I see something else he's been in, I'll definately pick it up.

In other news, I've been working my ass off co-editing the arts and entertainment magazine, as well as my regular duties editing my paper. No doubt the 60-hour weeks have contributed to the cold I am currently battling. 

I've been doing a lot of work covering the local film scene, and one of the directors liked me well enough to give me a part in his movie, and I actually had a line, which I was terrified I'd fuck up and was actually hoping it would see the cutting room floor, I was convinced it was that bad. However, spoke to the director Monday, and as of then, it was in and apparently I wasn't awful. He also invited me to the premiere, which was sweet.

I took the car to get inspected, but apparently the front tires need to be changed, so I'll do that tomorrow and have the front end aligned as well. The car, which was only slightly used when I bought it three years go, now has more than 120,000 miles on it, and I have two years left on the loan. Sigh.

I am hating the weather -- snow sucks, it sucks worse when you have to drive a great deal and it sucks even more when you have to drive in the fucking Alleghenies, where half of the roads are on the edge of ravines.

I almost bit it coming into town -- there's an off ramp from the freeway that is notorious for icing up in bad weather, and I went down it like I had skis attached to the damn car. I was going slow, too, but the whole damn car started bouncing back and forth. When I got the damn thing stopped and parked, I was shaking so bad. 

I hate the snow. 

I also hate being sick. It makes me tired and cranky. Tired and cranky enough to burst into tears on three separate occasions and get into an argument with Significant Other that had him hanging up on me. 

It's cold ... the boiler has been running loudly, and I pray it'll last through March. It is forty years old. I've been keeping the heat down as not to activiate it too often, but I hate the cold with the heat of a thousand burning suns.

Damn, I hate when it gets dark, too. 

I just hate winter.

1. Who was your first date date?
Ah, his name was Wes. I hope you know I'm dying a little inside just admitting this. I think he just got out of jail.

2. Who was your first roommate?
None. I moved into my own place when I was eighteen. My parents and I didn't get along.

3. What was your first alcoholic drink?
Rum & Coke.

4. What was your first job?
Waitress

5. What was your first car?
A '79 Plymouth Valarie

6. Who was the first person you texted today?
I don't text.

7. Who is the first person you thought of this morning?
I can't remember shit like that before I have my coffee.

8. Who was your first grade teacher?
Don't remember.

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
Never been.

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
Is it really necessary to sneak when I am so good at lying?

11. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them?
Her name was Gretchen; I haven't seen her in almost seven years.

12. Where was your first sleep over?
Don't remember. We all hung out at each other's houses and crashed where ever we were when we were tired.

13. Who was the first person you talked to this morning?
Significant Other.

14. Whose wedding were you in the first time?
My uncle's. I was a flower girl.

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning?
Hit the snooze button ... oh, after that? Wake up SO.

16. What was the first concert you ever went to?
Lynard Skynard & I got high without smoking a damn thing. That place was BLUE with smoke.

17. First tattoo or piercing?
My ears when I was six.

18. First foreign country you went to?
Nope.

19. First crush?
Some kid who swapped me for a matchbox car. Bastard.

20. When was your first detention?
I can't remember. I remember skipping to set fires and getting additional, though.

21. Who was your first kiss?
Shit, I can't remember his name. I was 13 or 14?

22. What was the first state you lived in?
Virginia.

23. Who was the first person to break your heart?
Jordan. I thought I could save him.

24. Who will be the first to repost this?
Katie, tag, you're it.

Okay, so it was the first day at the new place. Problem number one: There's no coffee pot at the other place. WTF?! How can people have no coffee?! How do they function? I spoke to the senior managing editor and a coffee pot may be on the way. If not, I'll drag my cappicino machine with me.

Problem number two: The present city editor at the parent paper used to have this job and I have the feeling he is still very attached to it. Unfortunately, he also likes things done his way. I like things my way, especially when it's a project I'm in charge of. So there's going to be problems if he doesn't allow me to go ahead and do what I need to do to succeed at this.

In other news, my old council has given me a resolution, which is basically a a legal document going into their permeant record saying that they love me. They also gave me flowers. I'm kinda bummed to have to leave, but this is going to be awesome for me. I have got to meet with the publisher on a weekly basis about this paper, and I want to meet with him as soon as possible. I have a ton of ideas I need to bounce off of him and some major goals I want to set.

I set up a rolling budget today, something I learned off my old city editor. I think it will be very useful.

001. When's the last time you ran?
Saturday
002. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
I don't wear jeans.
003. What are you dreading right now?
The new job; I'm scared shitless.
004. Do you celebrate 4/20?
No, but I was aware of it, thanks to Tommy's show.
006. Favorite ice cream?
Vanilla.
007. When was your last doctor's visit?
A couple months ago. I have anxiety issues
008. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
Five, if I am lucky.
010. "First Loves Are Never Over;" is this true for you?
Still with him!
011. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
Half of them are in jail, so no.
012. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would you be wearing?
Capris & a t-shirt.
014. Have you ever been on your school's track team?
No.
015. Do you own a pair of Converse?
No.
016. Who did you copy and paste this survey from?
Sarah
017. Do you eat raw cookie dough?
Hahaha. When was the last time I made cookies; too busy.
18. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
Yes.
019. Don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over?
Is this really a question?
021. Do you watch Trading Spaces?
No.
022. How do you eat Oreos?
I try not to.
023. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone?
No.
024. Are you cocky?
Next question.
030. Could you live without a computer?
Yes. I plan to be computer-free during our vacation in June.
031. Do you wear your shoes in the house?
Yes. Almost fell down the stairs in my heels today, too.
033. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real?
Seven.
034. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house?
Two cell phones. Who needs a landline?
035. What do you do when you're sad?
Cry & sulk.
036. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
Significant Other.
037. Last time you saw your best friend?
Today.
040.Who or what sleeps with you?
Significant Other. He has a bad habit of rolling over on my hair and pinning me to the bed.
041. Are you/have you ever been in love?
Yes.
042. Pancakes or French toast?
French toast.
043. How do you like your eggs?
Scrambled.
044. Are you in high school?
No.
045. Is anyone on your bad side right now?
No.
046. What jewelry are you wearing?
St. Chrisopher's Medal; Gold & diamond heart pendant; diamond ring; white gold band; opal cross; opal tennis bracelet; aquamarine tennis bracelet
047. What's the first thing you do when you get online?
Check to see if the siblings have emailed me.
049. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
No.
050. How do most people spell your name?
Heather. Which isn't my name. Go figure.
051. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes?
I steal SO's dress shirts all the time for nighties.
054. Where do you work?
For now, at the HS. My own paper next week!
056. What are you doing tomorrow?
Training my replacement.
057. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
I hope not, for his sake.
058. Favorite name for a girl?
I like names like Hope, Grace, Joy, Lily, Rose, etc.
059. Favorite name for a boy?
Matthew, Malachy
060. Will you keep your last name when you get married?
Hypenated.
061. Your favorite restaurant you don't get to eat much at?
Shake and Steak. It's dangerous for my calorie intake.
062. When is the last time you left your house?
Went to work earlier today.
066. How do you eat your steak?
Very rare.
067. Do you return your cart?
Yes.
069. Do you have a dishwasher?
Sadly, no.
070. What noise do you hear?
Narrator on "New Detective"
071. Would you survive in prison?
Are you kidding? I would thrive in prison.
072. Next concert you hope to go to?
The Annual FOP fundraiser next week.
073. What was the last thing you ate?
Coffee.
074. When was the last time you said I love you and meant it?
Earlier this afternoon
075. Who is the youngest in your family?
My sister's unborn child, Rory.
076. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would be most likely to pack?
All us Addicts.
077. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
Yeah. Hate that bitch.
078. How many shoes do you own?
More than I should.
080. When is the last time you ate peanut butter?
Can't remember.
081. What service is your cell phone?
Cingular.
082. What's for dinner?
Something fast and easy.
083. What's the last thing you purchased?
Gas.
084. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you?
No. 
085. Where is your cell phone?
Somewhere in the house, presumably.
086. Is your phone on vibrate or ring?
Ring.
087. What brand are your pants right now?
It's a skirt.
088. Ever been to Georgia?
Yes.
089. Did you do breakfast this morning?
No.
090. Do you like marshmallows?
No.
091. What irritates you most on the internet?
Pop-ups. 
092. What brand is your digital camera?
I'd have to look.
093. Do you watch movies with your parents?
No.
096. What song best describes your life right now?
None.
097. Do you own expensive perfume/cologne?
Yes.
098. Are you taking college classes right now?
No.
101. Do you like sushi?
No.
102. Do you get your hair cut every month?
Every six weeks.
103. Do you go online every day?
For work & email.

Name that (fill in the blank)

 

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)
Storm King

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on mother's side first name, favorite candy)
Rachel Truffle

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your last name)
S. Min

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, name of high school)
Penquin Brooke

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Dawn Wheeling

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
Minbax

7. JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)
Nwadsworrub

8. PORN STAR NAME: (middle name, street you grew up on)
Dawn Fowler

9. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, nearest product name to you)
The Yellow Parlophone

PS-- I've got a MySpace page now, so if you feel  like it, add me as a friend so I don't feel lame with just Tom as a friend.

www.myspace.com/artemisrexii

It was nice earlier this week, so when the call came that a local furniture warehouse was on fire, I was eager to go and get out of the office. So I'm strolling down the street, mostly because the fire department parked their damn firetrucks across the street and I can get any closer in my car. So I'm bopping down the street, digging the sunshine and all that. I wish you guys could have seen this neighborhood. I should have taken pictures for y'all. Weeds, growing knee-high out of the cracks in the sidewalks; bare mattresses, sprung couches and Colt .45 bottles sitting on porches; and windows either broken, boarded up or covered with newspaper. Fuckin' amazing.

Anyway, this half-naked guy leans out of a second-floor window and yells, "Hey, Dawn, what's going on?" with his dog barking like crazy at me.

"A fire," I tell him, wondering at the same time who in the fuck this guy is. It sucks ass. I met so damn many people. I must meet anywhere between 200 - 300 new people a year. I'm bad with names anyway and that damn many people, I don't remember shit.

I continued on down the street, almost got hit by a car that whipped around one of the firetrucks (why in the hell didn't I do that?) and almost cleaned my clock. I then cussed the fire department for not directing traffic and they informed me that it was the police department's job.

All this shit and it's a false alarm. I beg the firefighters on scene to do something interesting, but none of them are wearing all of their turnout gear and, if they get caught not wearing it, they get a day's suspension. Not wanting to assist them in sitting at home for a day paid just 'cause I took their picture (why should they be so lucky), I go back to the office, walking around the block to avoid half-naked man.

How I am remaining in my job with my ridiculously low pay is amazing. I finally screwed up my courage to go to my managing editor and ask him to give me a $1 raise (which I frickin' NEED!) and we're having a casual convo and I'm plucking up the courage to ask for it when he nonchantly asks me if I'd be interested in taking an editor's position at one of the weekly rags that our paper publishes. My reaction: "Would I get a raise?"

After much  heming and hawing, he allows that there's a possibilty of a raise. I ask him what I'd be expected to do. He tells me that I'd be expected to write the majority of the content, put together a budget (basically decide what's going in and where) and make shre the stringers (reporters who get paid by the piece and are not regular employees) get assignments and turn things on time. 

The pros: Um, it's a weekly. After working at dailies for years, meeting the deadline will be so freakin easy. The fact that I expect at least a 10% raise or I ain't doing it.  

The pros: It operates out of our sister newspapers' office, which, while closer to my house, also means that I will have to move offices. It's also an editorial position, which I always swore I'd never be sucked into, because of the politics, bitching that must be endured and general asskissing. And I'm not crazy about having to manage people.

But whatever. If they ask and I get the raise I want (my editor: "Everything's negotiable.") I'll take it. 

Whore alert.